I thought what I was was better than this

On the Cliff's edge

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 21:39:10 +0000

Why
Why must this go on?
All this fighting
Can't we get along?
To me it seems like
every little thing
turns into an argument
I know this isn't who you are
I feel as if
you're trying to gain control
My life is not my own
My life is to serve him
and i can feel you pushing me

Lord hear my cry
catch me before I die
I need you more than ever
or I'll never get better
Falling fast
Falling down
I can feel you pushing me
While I stand here
On the Cliff's edge

Do you love me?
Aren't I your brother?
I feel you only call on me
when you're in need
But you've seen me
In my feelings
Of doubt and desperation
Were you there?
seeing me slip
did you reach your hand?
As I fell
Fell down to my death
After standing on the edge

Lord hear my cry
catch me before I die
I need you more than ever
or I'll never get better
Falling fast
Falling down
I can feel you pushing me
While I stand here
On the Cliff's edge

Though I was wronged
I choose to forgive
The hardships that I have had
Made me Rely more on God's power
Jesus is the only reason
I was able to walk away
From the Cliff's edge

Waiting For Nothing

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:21:01 +0000

What's the deal
the way I feel
I have no motavation
It's all the same
It's all so lame
Where'd my desire go?

I sit here
I love you
I want to move for you
Where'd my desire go?

Waiting
waiting for nothing
I'm asleep
I don't care
All around me
The world is burning
Waiting for me
To do something

What I know
I have to go
and Spread your word around
Through your life
You paid the price
Where'd my desire go?

I sit here
I love you
I want to move for you
Where'd my desire go?

Waiting
waiting for nothing
I'm asleep
I don't care
All around me
The world is burning

Waiting
waiting for nothing
I'm asleep
I don't care
All around me
The world is burning
Waiting for me
To do something

And I could never guess
of how I could change the world

I'm a lowly kid
who could never do anything on my own

You say I should go
I will change this world today

When will I
spread my wings and fly
I need to get out of this place
Isit and wait
In front of this gate
I need to break through

Waiting
waiting for nothing
I'm asleep
I don't care
All around me
The world is burning
Waiting for me
To do something

What I know
I have to go
and Spread your word around
Through your life
You paid the price
Where'd my desire go?

I sit here
I love you
I want to move for you
Where'd my desire go?

Waiting
waiting for nothing
I'm asleep
I don't care
All around me
The world is burning

Waiting
waiting for nothing
I'm asleep
I don't care
All around me
The world is burning
Waiting for me
To do something

The world is waiting for me
To do something

Mexico Holiday Trip, 2007-2008

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:39:10 +0000

Hello Everyone. Well, God did alot on my Mexico trip. He hardened some of my convictions for Him, and He also used me to Make Him Known (which was the theme for the trip). Our team and another team whom we worked with were able to build a house in just 4 days, which is pretty amazing. I mean like a whole house. The only thing we didn't do was lay the foundation. The contractors did that a few days before we came. But other than that, our teams put up the whole house. We did Framing, siding, roofing, shingles, painting, dry wall, and mudding. It was really fun.

We also got to do VBS (Vacation Bible School) for a bunch of the kids in Tijuana. Our theme for the VBS was called a Night in Bethlehem, and our MIG (Ministry Group) and another MIG were put in charge of storytelling. We also did Painting Ministry, where we just grabbed a pain bucket, some rollers and some brushes, want went to random people's houses asked if they wanted paint and if they needed help with anything else. We got to minister to one lady and her husband whose daughter was at the VBS that morning, and we just got to talk to them about their family, about faith, why we can just pray to God & Jesus (they were Catholics who believed they needed to pray to Mary). In the end, they ended up accepting Christ for who he was and what he did for us.

Another time we were out painting, and I got to go talk to this group of guys who were watching WWE. I told them that I used to wrestle,and they thought it was cool. After a while of just talking to them and getting to know them. We introduced the Bible by telling the story of the Smackdown between Jacob & God (Genesis 32). After a while of sharing with them, we prayed the Salvation prayer with them, one of which did it sincerely with all his heart while the others were glued to the TV.

God did some amazing things to me on this trip. He really showed me the importance on seeking wisdom, both from the Bible and from read other books.

God Bless,
Joe

What Are You Thankful For?

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 22:40:00 +0000

"I am thankful for.."
Such a common concept around this time of year, as the Thanksgiving holiday speeds towards us faster than a bullet train. I just wanted to reflect on what I, like most people, am thankful for. Let me tell you in a story...

The other day, I was filling up my Global Expeditions Nalgeen water bottle (the one I used the whole month I was in Peru) with normal ol' water from the tap in my bathroom (don't worry, it's clean), and once again, I thought about my trip to Peru. I remembered about our water situation with the infamous box 'o' water. As I was pondering this, I said to myself, "Lord, Thank You for clean drinking water." Not only was I thankful to have it, but I was thankful that it was so accessible to me.

To often do we get comfortable in the luxuries we have here in America, and complain about how they are not enough, and completely take them for granted with what we have, and only desire more, while people out in the other countries in the world work laborious job to keep our luxuries at the price they are to barely, if even get their necessities to STAY ALIVE while we just sit here and complain about how the shoes we bought (that third world countries make for us) are out of style now and how we'll have to buy a new pair. HOW DARE WE! there are people who maybe get a pair of shoes every few YEARS!(notice how I didn't say new) If that.

I am thankful for where I am, in this blessed country that has taken it's blessings and turned away from the one who gave it all to us and who's principals we used when starting this wonderful country and used to be so faithful to Him, but now that He has given our fathers a blessing, we turn away from Him and don't rely on Him enough, if at all, to provide everything we need to live (but don't worry, one day America will see the light again). I am thankful to a God who has blessed me to be in such a place. I am thankful that I have a LORD who provides so much for me, even when I do not acknowledge Him.

That is why I am dedicating my life to not only serve, but to become His servant. I am going to go out into the countries of the world, and help the needy, feed the hungry, and be a friend to the lonely. I will demonstrate in my life, the LOVE of Jesus Christ that he has shown me.I will show the people of the world, who are so hungry for his word, yet are not able to receive it due to their government. I want to go and share the gospel with those who will never have a chance to hear it unless I go. Who's behind me, in charging into battle, into areas where Satan has his claws so deep, it could be here, it could be in any area of the world, the Important thing is that we do it for the love of Christ and the salvation of the world.

Comatose

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:37:39 +0000

"Comatose" by Skillet

"I hate feeling like this 
I’m so tired of trying to fight this 
I’m asleep and all I dream of

Is waking to you 
Tell me that you will listen 
Your touch is what I’m missing 
And the more I hide I realize I’m slowly losing you 

Comatose 
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you 

I don’t wanna live 
I don’t wanna breathe 
‘less I feel you next to me 
you take the pain I feel 
waking up to you never felt so real 
I don’t wanna sleep 
I don’t wanna dream 
‘cause my dreams don’t comfort me 
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real 

I hate living without you 
Dead wrong to ever doubt you 
But my demons lay in waiting 
Tempting me away 
Oh how I adore you 
Oh how I thirst for you 
Oh how I need you 

Comatose 
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you 

I don’t wanna live 
I don’t wanna breathe 
‘less I feel you next to me 
you take the pain I feel 
waking up to you never felt so real 
I don’t wanna sleep 
I don’t wanna dream 
‘cause my dreams don’t comfort me 
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real 

Breathing life
Waking up My eyes 
Open up

Comatose 
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you 

I don’t wanna live 
I don’t wanna breathe 
‘less I feel you next to me 
you take the pain I feel 
waking up to you never felt so real 
I don’t wanna sleep 
I don’t wanna dream 
‘cause my dreams don’t comfort me 
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real"

How true this song is for me. My constant battle with myself, trying to live my life t glorify God, but I so easily get swayed by temptation. I know I shouldn't do something, but I do it anyway, even thinking about what God thinks about it while I do it, why? It's because my flesh is weak and sins naturally.

I feel I can relate to this song so well, in so many aspects of my life. I know what is right, yet I still do what is wrong. I hate this. All I dream of is what life will be like without this sin, even while I try to escape it, I cannot on my own. the only true way for me to escape this through the love of God is through my friends. And so I pray. Deliver me from myself O God, Only your POWER and LOVE can help me overcome the temptations of my flesh! Let me live my live to only please you, have me, you servant, do what is just, right, and Holy.

"I need a heart that carries on through the pain
When the walls start collapsing again
Give me a soul that never ceases to follow
Despite the infection within"

Music (a realization)

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 20:55:28 +0000

Music influences people. No one will argue that point. The thing I find funny is how people will say they are listening to some music just for the beat or the insane riff, but I know that it's impossible to only listen to a song without having the lyrics and the message ingrained in your mind.

To me, thats like telling me (especially if they call themselves a follower of Christ) that they only like the part of the Bible where Jesus came and died for me. Now, I'm not going to argue, that is a very good point, but when you call yourself a Christian or Christ Follower, you have to put the WHOLE Bible as your truth.

Okay, so here's a situation. I have pledged purity until I got married, but one day you come up to me while I'm listening to my music and I'm singing songs about raping people. Don't you think that's a little contradictory?

I think that music influences us more than we give it credit for, which is just what the world wants us to believe. When we believe what the world wants us to believe, we are of the world. We Who are Christians are NOT OF THIS WORLD! WE ARE OF CHRIST!

So what I want to say is, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING BEING WITH THINGS OF THIS WORD? WE ARE CALLED TO THROW THOSE THINGS AWAY AND BE OF CHRIST FOR WHAT HE DID ON THE CROSS! Those of whom I am talking about, you know who you are. We cannot be Followers of Christ and of this world, it simply cannot be because the world loves sin and God cannot be around sin. Also, as Christ Followers, we have died to ourselves and it is not we who lives in us, but Christ who lives in us. We are to let Christ control our lives, I have seen what happens when I try to control my life, ad if it wasn't for God, I'd have been dead for well over a year and a half now.

WHo is in Control? You? The World? Or Jesus?

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 22:31:43 +0000

The other night, I awoke suddenly at about 4:30 am with a jolt at the thought of nothing, at the sight of, nothing, and at the sound of, you guessed it, my stereo that I forgot to put in sleep mode once again.

Anyway, when I woke up, i just couldn't stop thinking (or pondering, as I so call it) abut a random subject. For this night, the subject was, once again, why I wanted a girlfriend. But for some reason, this night was different than the rest. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, as I sometimes do, but I started asking questions as I was thinking. So I came up with a few simple statements about it. I also began to think about the question, "Do I just want a girlfriend because Society says that we should all be in relationships and people are in them because the feel that they need to but it's really just the world taking control of them in that one area by making you feel that you need to be?" God spoke to me in a very clear way. This night, I started thinking of really, why I wanted one.

I want to feel loved.
I want to feel special to someone.
I want someone to be by my side through whatever I may endure through.
I WANT SOMEONE WHO WOULD GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH WITH ME!

Tell me, do you feel like that? If you are currently in a relationship that you KNOW will end up with you NOT marrying the person, GET OUT OF IT! YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HURT YOURSELF AND THE OTHER PERSON!!!! I know I may sound really harsh, or I may just sound ignorant, but I know that what I am asking sounds stupid, but will save you a lot of pain before it gets too far out of your control. Even if your relationship is based around the church, it's still good to get into one before you KNOW you are ready to get married and that you're going to get married to that person.

Didn't Jesus come down here and died for that so I can accept that through Him? To SHOW His love for us, how we are all special to Him, even while we were still sinners. To give us His strength and wisdom to endure through anything? TO BE ABLE TO DO WHAT IS PERCEIVED TO BE IMPOSSIBLE??? I mean, why am I more passionate of wanting a girlfriend than receiving all he Jesus has to offer me. I know it's a gift, but a gift cannot only be given, but has to be received. I WANT ALL HE HAS TO OFFER ME!!!

The Bible has put it plainly,
"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in Me will do what I have been doing. He will do EVEN GREATER things than these, because I am going to the Father."-Jesus
John 14:12

So what does that mean, that I don't have faith? You could ask anyone who hangs around me if I had faith and they would probably say yes. But they cannot see what's in my heart. Yes, it means I have a lack of faith. But it does not mean it's the end of the freaking world. I doubt a lot. I sometimes feel like the apostle Thomas (also known as Doubting Thomas), where I want to believe, but I let worldly things stand in my way. But I know that I can overcome this. I know that the strength of my LORD and Savior can overcome my doubt as fire overcomes grease.

We are under attack. We need to do something now, before it's too late. We can't just put it off until tomorrow, BUT TOMORROW IS ALWAYS A DAY AWAY! WE NEED TO TAKE ACTION AND FIGHT FOR TRUTH AND WHAT IS RIGHT TODAY, RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Too often do we look to our futures and think of what is to come (not that it's a bad thing to think about it, but to become distracted by it). We try to plan our lives so that we can can achieve something in our lives, but why waste all the time thinking about what we will be doing, and do it (or train to do it) NOW!

Another thing, we Have to focus on today, if we look to far out, we won't notice the rake in our path that will come and smack us in the face. same with looking behind us. what happened happened. and there's nothing you can do to change it. I am thankful for all the hurt and the misery in my past, because it makes me who I am today.

What is it?

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 01:17:29 +0000

What makes me so much different than them?

Is it that I refuse to take part in their activities such as drinking and smoking? No, that's not it.

Is it because I have an idea of what my purpose in life is? No, that's not it either.

It's because I have the hope and assurance that after I die (whenever that may be, soon, or far off in the future) what I have done in the past, the numerous, horrid things I have do, has been forgiven and that the numerous mistakes I will make in my future (once again, NUMEROUS) by a God who is so loving to give me all this grace that I do not anywhere near deserve, just for loving Him and letting His will become my will, even if it is just silently turning away saying I refuse to do something because of who I have become, and showing how He has changed my life by firmly saying NO to the things my flesh would be the first to say YES to.

Tonight, I was faced by that choice, and I know that the LORD was with me tonight to help me make the right choice to come home. I went to one of my old friend's birthday party's tonight, and all was well till about Midnight. That's when they started planning going over to someone else's house to start drinking. I already had a plan ready to go for this inevitable event, just I had planned it earlier than this, but just as well, I knew it would come. I had made a plan of my own this last afternoon that if anything of even planning this type of thing, I would escape, call my mom, and go home. But since it was Midnight, I knew that my mom would already be asleep, so I was prepared to go ahead with emergency escape plan #2, which would be to walk home. I knew I didn't want to stick around, I had made my mind up a lot earlier then they started planning their drinking. Luckily, not all of them were planning on drinking, and two of them were planning on leaving. I know that the LORD was with me tonight, I know that he didn't want me to be miserable walking home in the cold dark. So I knew that when I asked them for a ride home, that they would say yes, which they did.

So once again, I would like to ask the question. What makes ME different than THEM? Really, nothing. God loves them just the same as He loves me. The only real difference is that I see His beauty and aknowledge Him for it. I know that tonight, I showed them a little glimpse of Jesus. Not by shoving Him down their throats, or even mentoning Him to them, but by saying what I believe in and standing firm in my belief and not faltering when the storms came. I just pray for them now, in whatever they are doing, that the Lord would do something tonight to help them not be blinded by the world anymore, and that the would see the light, and not run from it as I have seen before, but run TO it. Even though they think I may not care for them to stick arund for their durnkeness, that I care for them eternaly, and I pray for a hunger, a true and rightous hunger for the LORD that only He can come and rescue them.

Only our God is big enough t save them. He saved me, even when I was worse than they are, we serve a BIG God, and if we truly believe in Him and believe that what he promises is what He will do, then they will see the light one day, and I thank the LORd for that day.

Silence

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 08:05:55 +0000

Soaking in the silenceI long for your voiceIt's been to long since I heard youthough it had been my choice

A Dark Realization (WARNING!: EXTREME DOSE OF REALITY)

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 13:49:48 +0000

Have you ever noticed that there isnt much difference between christian teens and secular teens? Like how they have the same sort of things in pop culture seculat teens would follow, Christian teens do the same. Take bands fo instance. Now I like music, but like how secular teens would follow someone like brittney spears, or their favorite band, Christian do the same with the Christian equivalant. And have you noticed that there is a christian equivalant for litereally everything? There's everything from toy's to Godtube.com.

It makes me dissappointed because so many of us strive to be different for Christ, yet we're just the same. Satan has proved that he has a grip tightly around us, even us Christians. I think we need to redefine Christian music, and not just by record labels like how it is now. Like, to every song, we need to ask, "Does this further His kingdom? Or will it help further it?" And if it doesn't, cast it away from us as a group, Because the Bible says, "if you hand causes you to sin, cut it off for it is better to have one part of your body burn in Hell than your whole body to burn in Hell."

There are "Christian" Bands on "Christian" labels with absoultly no songs that reflect the love of Jesus or God, so... that makes them Christians in a band. Like Hawk Nelson. The only song that someone might be able to argue that point is for their song Zero. That's why some band that are Christians, are completely real with themselves, like The Fray, and say that their music is secular, but they are Christians.

If we live following pop culture, no matter which one it is, we begin to put the pop culture ahead of our relationship with Jesus, which then we begin to love the pop culture more than we love Jesus, yet we would still say we are Christians, but in reality we are hypocrites.

Here's a quote from dc Talk's song "What if I Stumble?" "The greatist single cause of Atheism in the world today, is Christians. Wh aknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door and deny Him by thier lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

Earthquake

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 10:53:23 +0000

As you may or may not know, last night at 06:40:56 PM (CDT), an earthquake tore through Peru with a magnitude of 8.0. It hit a little coastal town called Chincha, which is a town that I actually stayed in for a week.

Chincha is a poor, yet beautiful place. All the roads are dirt, dirt floors, and the houses are made of mud and woven leaves.

The death toll in now at 355, but is expected to rise.

KTVU Channel 2 news said that, "Chincha looked as if it had been bombed. Large areas were completely leveled; dozens of homes made with adobe bricks had collapsed. Townspeople picked through the rubble of their homes, wrapped in sheets that made them look like ghosts in the early dawn."

"We don't have lights, water, communications. Most houses have fallen. Churches, stores, hotels -- everything is destroyed," Said the mayor of Pisco (another coastal town 20 miles south of Chincha) Juan Mendoza.

Now let me tell you this. When we were in Chincha, the people there were always open minded. They had no running water, they had very minimal electricity (the church had about 10 lights and when they tried to put in another one the blew the power), dirt floors, woven roofs, just very minimal stuff. BUT THEY WERE THANKFUL FOR WHAT THEY HAD. And now they have even less, I think that they will defiantly be praying and prasing God for sparing their lives.

In Pisco a church collapsed during it's service and killed about 200 people.

I know that I'm praying, for the people that we reached, that they will use this disaster to preach the word of God. I pray for the pastor's family that took us in, his wife is a pastor in Pisco. And I just pray for the country in general.

Please Keep these people in your prayers.

Living By Faith

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 10:51:08 +0000

Chincha, Peru July 19, 2007

To live by faith is a great sacrifice of oneself for total submission the God's will. Living by faith is a great undertaking because it means that when God asks you to do something, you do it whether you like it or not, and stop whatever you're doing to do it. This includes taking discipline from Him.
Hebrews 12:5-6 says, "Have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as His children? He said, 'My child, don't make light of the Lord's discipline, and don't give up when He corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those He loves and punishes each one He accepts as His child.'"(NLT)
Isn't that amazing? In Proverbs Solomon says that a good father disciplines his child so that he may grow to be obedient to the law, and God is The Good Father. He punishes us and disciplines us for the things we do so that we may grow stronger in him. Living by faith is getting through that and persevering through and giving God everything we have so that we are totally for Him.
All too often do we say that someone is living by faith because they go to church a lot or pray the loudest, but living by faith is putting yourself aside to let something better control your life and you willingly submit to it, whether it appears good or bad at the time. God wishes us to give our all to Him, and he can do no wrong. So why is it so hard?
Abraham was in faith that God would bring Isaac, his only son (the son that had been a merical to his wife Sara and him even though they were old, the son that God had promised Abraham to be blessed with more descendants than stars in the sky through), back to life when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac.
I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for Abraham to do that, but he did it and he did it willingly because God had asked him to.
It's easy to live by faith and praise God for everything when times are good, but only those who truly live by faith will endure and grow during the hard times.

A little about myself and my past dealings...

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 23:44:28 +0000

I think for my first post here, I'll start by telling my tesimony.
    I grew up in a Christian home, I went to Church almost every Sunday of my life. But it wasn't real to me, nothing was real to me. That's probably the reason when I was 16, and the two strongest influences in our Youth Group got hit and killed by a drunk driver, I started smoking and drinking and getting into the party scene at my school. As time went on, I only got worse and worse. "It's okay," I told myself all the time, "everyone else is doing it. Therefor it must be okay."
     But it wasn't okay. my friends would only encourage my behavior and I would blissfully indulge into it. Things got so painful emotionally, I started cutting myself, in which i mistakenly found refuge. I had never told anyone about it. I kept doing the things I did before, but as time went on and on, I began to cut myself more and more. Until finally one day, I was sitting in my truck before Saturday in February wrestling practice, and I had decided I was done living. So I grabbed my piece of glass that I used to cut myself, and started slitting my wrist. But after I started, I felt something pulling on my heart. "There's got to be something better than this," I said to myself. So I pulled out my glass and bandaged myself up (thankfully I didn't get too far).
    The next day I ran into one of my friends from the Youth Group that I had gone to in the past. She invited me to go back to the Youth Group, so I was like, "Sure, why not. I got nothing else to live for. So when I went back they were talking about their trip up to Twain Harte. The Youth Pastor came up to me and asked me if I would like to go, which I did want to but didn't have the money. So he asked me if I would go if money wasn't an issue and I said for sure. So he got me a scholarship for the trip and I went on it.
    A week before the trip, was wrestling finals for the league. I made a deal with God by saying, "God, if you exist, help me do well in this tournament and I promise to go into the trip with an open heart" (this was when I was still questioning his existence). I ended up taking 1st place in the tournament.
    Then, on the trip, God did wonders in my heart. I broke down crying and told accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I felt a joy come over me that I had never experienced before in my life. But finally, it was the first thing real I experienced.
    But the story doesn't end there. As soon as I got home from my trip, I went right back to doing what I was doing before. Nobody had told me that I had to give up the thing I was doing before. But there was one crucial difference that made it all bad, I was using the grace of Christ as an excuse to do what I was doing.
    March 24, 2006. AT&T Park. Speakers Blasting, everyone going insane. This was BattleCry. This was my first experience at a Youth Conference. And this was their first Stadium Event (it was put on by Teen Mania who usually did smaller events called Acquire the Fire or ATF for short) and it was packed. It was here where he CEO and President of Teen Mania Ministries called us out as Christians to, "Stop living in the pig pen." To stop living in the gunk of this world and step out of it and live for Christ. This is when I realized how I had been living was wrong and was presented with a choice. I could choose to continue living as I had been in this world, or I could live completely for Christ. Seeing as while living for this world almost killed me, I thankfully took the second choice.
    July 2006, after only slipping a little and given up on smoking finally and working on giving up on drinking, I go to Lake Shasta with my Youth Group. The theme for that trip was Heaven in your head but Hell in your heart. I didn't really understand the theme until early this January, after I totaled my truck.
    Last month, God sent me to Peru on a Mission trip with Teen Mania, and it was the poorest conditions I had ever been in, but it was the most fulfilling thing I have ever done.

And that's my story. it you want any more detail, just message me and I'll try to see what I can dig up.

-Joe